dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
