she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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