Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
