I faked an abortion last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
