just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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