If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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