What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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