my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
