Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
