I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
