we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
