what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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