he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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