im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
