If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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