Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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