Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
