You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
