Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
