Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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