the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
