Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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