The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize