The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
