He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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