You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
