What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As shirtless as possible
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
