It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to make out with him forever
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
