As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
