i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
