I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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