but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
