is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
