dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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