I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize