So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
