You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
