My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
