My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
