dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
