we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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