i'm signing you up for texting rehab
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
