Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
