Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
