How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
