I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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