he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
