ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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