Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
