Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
