capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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