Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
