This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
