Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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