Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
