no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
