To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
