im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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