Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
