I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
