I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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