the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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