you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
