I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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