He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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