Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
