Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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