Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
