so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
